Assalamualaikum...
Pagi nan indah. Woke up early this morning. And come early to office. A bit happy because yesterday I got DEFENSIVE DRIVING TRAINING. My first trial drove using auto car. The best part is about car. Honda Sonata you!
Then, I got a called from my sister. She told me,
"Papa at hospital. He was suspected liver cancer".
I was surprising. Why Papa dont tell me?
I called Papa a fews time before he answer my calls.
"Papa, where are you?", I asked him.
" I at London", he replied with laugh. I know, he wa lied. He at hospital. But, he try to be happy.
" Dont lie, I know you dont. You at hospital right? Then, how are getting on?".
" I am okey. Nothing needs to be worry".
Suddenly, my tears burst. I dont know why I too emotional. I felt terrible. How bad I am? Even my father was sick, but I dont aware about that? I still make myself busy at office with abundant task.
I am first daughter of him, but I too worst daughter.
Am I right?
We had short conversation. And I promise to come end of this weekend.
Insyaallah, I will buy his dream shoes:)
Even his dream shoes a bit expensive, I willing to pay. Because money is NOTHING without him in my life.
He just an ordinary man, but he was great in my life.
He got nothing to be proud, but I proud he was my PAPA.
He may unerudited man, but he managed sent his children to IPTA. By now, I degree holder. One credit to him:)
He may not too handsome and smart, but at least he is our Papa Bear that always make us angry and SMILE:)
He may NEVER affordable bring us to have vacation oversea, because he's not rich enought to do that. But, during school holidays, he brought us to Genting Highland or Gambang Waterpark. He spent his value time to see our laugh and smile.I knew, in deep his heart, he was smile too.
He dont know how to cook, then he brought us ate KFC or ikan bakar at Beserah.
He love babbling talk, huhhh so boring. But then, I realize. His babbling is the most funny things. We had imitated his babbling at his back and laugh. How naughty we are! Sorry Papa:P
He was the first man bought man pink school bag, I used for my first day during standard one. I still remember the pink bag, with my favourite cartoon Sailormoon :)
He gave RM1 on my first day school.
He was the man took me to the clinic when I fell from my bicycle.It occured when I was kids, my elbow got horrible wound till show my flesh Yuckkk...it damn painful!
During my part 2 at Uitm Shah Alam, I got 'chicken-pox'. He came and took me back home after got my call that I was sick. See? How he try his best, but I never appreciate:(
He was the first man taught me how to eat use knife and fork. I still remember the first meal I used knife and fork, we ate beefsteak:)
He bought me stationaries when I was kid. I love colour pencil so much.
He gave me RM5 to buy McFLurry Oreo ice-cream:)
For personal thought, he was good son. I knew, many people not amused him and thought he was bad son instead. I nodded to them. Deep my heart, I cursed them at much. He was good son. He still back see my grandmother, even she not amused him and didnt treat him as well. He was cried, alone, when my grandfather died. And, I really touched with with his words " Never say bad things about your grandmother no matters how and what she had done to me". That true, I never heard my Papa told and say something bad about my grandmother even my late grandfather.
He quite stingy, especially in term of foods and expenditure. Accordingly, we must finished our foods, dont wasted even the food taste horrible. Dont buy unneccesary things (he spent a lot for his gadget actually). That why, I a bit stingy but spent much at my favourite gadjet. I inherited his habit. Like Papa, like daughter.
Now, my Papa and me dont eat rice. We on diet to lose some weight!
He loves to make stupid jokes, same goes to me:P
He worked during public holiday nor eid. It because of us. He work hard for his children. Thanks Papa:)
My brother told me, " The way you speak same like Papa". See, one of the similirity between Papa and me?
While driving, he love to talk alone with himself. Same goes to me. I always talks to myself while driving.
Without realizing, we shared the same favourite foods.
When I was kid, he got scold and beat me a fews time. That time, I thought I really hate him. But now, I thanked him so much. If he never scold and beat me, I not became human as per today. Thanks a lot Papa.
He asked me to study hard. What the hell??? After all, I realized, he told me the right things. He wants the best for my future. Become as educated person, not like him unerudited:(
He really hope I could find the most stable and huge company to work. I knew, he dont want I become like him. He want me has good life and good job too. Not because of him, but for my future.
The things I regretful at most when I dont wore hijab before. Yes, everyone know. I just wore hijab not more than one year. I really regretted the mistake I had done. Showing my 'aurat' to all even I know, my Papa also bear the burden of my sins. Oh Allah, please forgive me for everything. And forgive my Papa too:(
I know, he try so hard to chill and happy in front me, my siblings. Eventhough he must through the thousand pain, a million thorn, he still make his stupid jokes!
" Nothing needs to worry, I will be right then. Maybe, after this, I will discharged. I wont make you worry with myself. Okey?".
His words blowing in my head.
He so strong for me.
Father around the world always behaved like this, I think. They try to be strong in front of their children. The truth, father is the most soft heart. They cried at the back. No one could see their tears.
Yesterday, my officemate told me about his story. He was a great father (I dont how many kids he got). He involved in accident last year. That time, he went 'warung', bought some breakfast to his kids. On the way back home, he got hit by truck. He said, " My snickers and glass took off from me. When I woke up, I saw all 'kuih' for my kids breakfast scattered around. I felt miserable. In my mind, what will happen if I died? When they wake up, I no longer here".
I really touched with his words. He was father, same like Papa. The different, he got education compare my Papa. For me, I cant replace my Papa with any man. Because my Papa the only man. Never be the same like others men. Only one Papa for me:)
He had own styled, but he the best.
Babbling talk, stupid jokes, stingy and so many things I herited from him.
Even my last name, FUZIRA, 'RA' means Rahim. I proud to use my name. It sound weird, a bit like Japanese name, but I loved it.
Dear Allah, I pray to you. I begging you:
" Please forgive all mistakes I had done. Please forgive my Papa too. I dont want he sick, suffering with thousand pain. I dont want he lied on the bed only. I want see he smile and healthy. Could you please, transfer all the pains and illness to me? Let me through all the pains and illness, never let him bear it alone. I dont want his tears burst, just to fight the pains. I want see his smile and laugh. I want hear his stupid jokes. If he means back to YOU early, please give me chance to make my Papa happy even once. And I want he will be my side during my wedding day (in future, insyaallah)".
